After the boys left for school I was feeling stressed. It was only 6:45am!! I said to myself, "I don't want my day to go this way. I don't want to feel icky!" I sat down to do my blog and I just kept thinking that I didn't have anything worthwhile to share. I had to take a moment.
I sat down for about 10 minutes, closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. I pictured the dark, dirty air leaving my body and the fresh, green, healing air coming in. As things would come to mind I would gently push them out. This time was for resetting.
It may sound like meditation. I got the technique from a meditation book. But, I've never achieved this sense of euphoria or transcendence. That's what I expect from meditation. So, call this what you want but I call it resetting or rebalancing.
When I take a few moments to do this it allows me to loosen up a little. Feeling pissy, ungrateful and stressed is real. There were reasons that I got into this foul mood. But, I don't want to stay here so I have to change my reaction to the situation.
My husbands ex-wife forgot the boys had school today. She didn't call us or check to make sure that it would work for us, she just told her eldest son to let us know she was going to the river with her boyfriend and the boys should stay here for the night. We LOVE having the boys, but we hadn't planned anything for dinner, breakfast or lunches for the next day. It was already 6pm when we found all of this out. Murphy didn't have school clothes with him. And I wasn't satisfied with Mark's response to the whole situation.
I threw a fit last night. I was ugly because I had to go to the grocery store, make dinner and get up this morning at 5:30am. Mark wasn't angry enough for me. I wanted him to tell his ex that this was unacceptable. I really wanted him to put her in a pillory for a public flogging. Okay, I realize that is a little extreme. I'm just exhausted from having to pick up the pieces after unacceptable behavior from the boy's mother.
The point of this though is not to complain but to say that we can change our reaction. In hind sight I would like to go back and ask Mark for the reaction that I wanted him to have instead of being mad because he didn't guess the right one. I want to say sorry guys but we are going to have to make do with whatever is in the house instead of rushing out to the grocery store...bitter because I think I have to. I want to let go of this anger and have a beautiful day.
And, guess what...the choice is mine. I am choosing to let go. Not easy...I hang on to stuff. But, I am imagining a balloon filled with all my resentment and anger. I am outside and release the balloon. I watch it go until I can't see it anymore. I feel lighter. And, then I feel the sun on my face. It is going to be a good day after all!
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