Inspiration leads to possibilities

Inspiration is a funny thing.  It can come from so many things.  As I hiked through the woods yesterday I was inspired to let my mind go.  The butterflies, breeze rustling the leaves and the twisted tree roots helped me to let go of conscious thought and walk through possibility.

My possibilities have also been inspired.  Over the last couple of weeks I have had the pleasure of connecting with women who are doing what they have seen as possibility.  Cricket (yes that is her name) saw the possibility years ago to standardize sizing in for women in the clothing industry.  She is launching under her own name next week.  Sydney travels all over the world, many times alone, to experience everything that she can.  Esther is saving to spend 6 months in Milan taking a design course.  Sonya is launching her own style academy with students coming from all over the world.  These women have inspired me to examine my dreams and make something happen.

Since we've been in Charlotte I have mulled over hundreds of ideas for what I want to do.  I have always wanted to help women in some way.  I have a soft spot for women who work hard to make their dreams come true.  I feel very strongly that relationships and collaboration are key to any success.  I think that beautiful surroundings make it easier to work.  I think that presenting your best self helps to open doors.  I think that your personal space needs to be an "ahhhhh" at the end of the day.  These are beliefs that have never changed.  Since the time that I first launched my own business, these are the things that I held as truth.

So, when I connect with women who are achieving what seems impossible for many, it makes me believe in the impossible.  I know what I think is important and valuable so I let that steep.  I let my hike be a meditation time for how I want to grow, support, create and more.  A picture starts to emerge in my mind.

I'm excited to let the inspiration work on what is starting to gel.  What I learned this week is to listen and pay attention.  Learning about others has helped to light a fire in my imagination.  Now, I can let my imagination and inspiration work to figure out what is next in my life.

Pissy, Tired and Ungrateful

I woke up this morning pissy, tired, in pain and terribly ungrateful.  We had a rough evening around here the night before and the effects lingered.  It happens.  Everyone has a time that they are not their perfect self.  I am not going to beat myself up for getting off course, but I'm not going to stay here.

After the boys left for school I was feeling stressed.  It was only 6:45am!!  I said to myself, "I don't want my day to go this way. I don't want to feel icky!"  I sat down to do my blog and I just kept thinking that I didn't have anything worthwhile to share.  I had to take a moment.

I sat down for about 10 minutes, closed my eyes and focused on my breathing.  I pictured the dark, dirty air leaving my body and the fresh, green, healing air coming in.  As things would come to mind I would gently push them out.  This time was for resetting.

It may sound like meditation.  I got the technique from a meditation book.  But, I've never achieved this sense of euphoria or transcendence.  That's what I expect from meditation.  So, call this what you want but I call it resetting or rebalancing.

When I take a few moments to do this it allows me to loosen up a little.  Feeling pissy, ungrateful and stressed is real.  There were reasons that I got into this foul mood.  But, I don't want to stay here so I have to change my reaction to the situation.

My husbands ex-wife forgot the boys had school today.  She didn't call us or check to make sure that it would work for us, she just told her eldest son to let us know she was going to the river with her boyfriend and the boys should stay here for the night.  We LOVE having the boys, but we hadn't planned anything for dinner, breakfast or lunches for the next day.  It was already 6pm when we found all of this out.  Murphy didn't have school clothes with him.  And I wasn't satisfied with Mark's response to the whole situation.

I threw a fit last night.  I was ugly because I had to go to the grocery store, make dinner and get up this morning at 5:30am.  Mark wasn't angry enough for me.  I wanted him to tell his ex that this was unacceptable.  I really wanted him to put her in a pillory for a public flogging.  Okay, I realize that is a little extreme.  I'm just exhausted from having to pick up the pieces after unacceptable behavior from the boy's mother.

The point of this though is not to complain but to say that we can change our reaction.  In hind sight I would like to go back and ask Mark for the reaction that I wanted him to have instead of being mad because he didn't guess the right one.  I want to say sorry guys but we are going to have to make do with whatever is in the house instead of rushing out to the grocery store...bitter because I think I have to.  I want to let go of this anger and have a beautiful day.

And, guess what...the choice is mine.  I am choosing to let go.  Not easy...I hang on to stuff.  But, I am imagining a balloon filled with all my resentment and anger.  I am outside and release the balloon.  I watch it go until I can't see it anymore.  I feel lighter.  And, then I feel the sun on my face.  It is going to be a good day after all!

What does "finding myself" mean?

I think the term "finding myself" is strange.  I'm not really lost...at least not geographically.  But, if our spirit has a landscape then I think this time in my life would be described as driving without a map or gps.  I've got choices for transportation or moving but which way do I go?

If I really think about it that is exactly how I feel.  Nothing looks real familiar.  I have some vague idea that I'm supposed to be going a certain way.  Then I turn to head in that direction and uncertainty strikes.  I'm back in that place where I'm afraid to move because I could get further away from where I'm suppose to be if I'm on the wrong path.

So, I guess I would describe "finding myself" as a process.  There must be a map somewhere.  I've got to figure out what the destination is suppose to be.  There are signs.  If I'm really still and carefully look at what is in front of me the path will start to reveal itself.

In the movie, Eat Love Pray, Julia Roberts (who plays Liz Gilbert) turns to meditation.  It doesn't seem to be easy.  She resists, she fidgets and she escapes in just minutes after she enters the meditation room.  I've never really understood meditation.  I've always felt just like that character.  But, when I think of stillness, I think of meditation.  Of letting my mind become open and free to let my spirit take charge.

Sounds like I have a clue.  Ha, I've read the books and watched films.  I don't get it.  I'm going to have to find a way to be still.  Books and films clearly aren't the path for enlightenment for me.

I think I will start with a plan to figure out a plan tomorrow!