Strength of Conviction

I'm just dying to get into a routine again.  I was out of town for 16 days and came back just in time to do a couple of loads of laundry before repacking to move out of our house for the next 2 weeks.  In the middle of everything I got a bit of a cold which has settled into my lungs.

The coughing woke me up around 5am which was fine because I had to be at the tile store by 7:30.  I rushed around making sure that I had all of my toiletries, the dogs dishes, the kitchen things we would need for the next two weeks and my clothes.  Got all of that out to the garage to load up.  Got the dogs together for doggie daycare.  Left the house and remembered I didn't have enough gas to get more than to the corner.  Stepped out of my car to pump the gas and realized I was still wearing house shoes.  That should have been a good indication of how this morning was going to go.

At every stop light I grabbed my iPad, opening the AroundMe app, to find coffee.  There wasn't one place between doggie daycare and the tile place.  But, I pulled into the tile showroom at 7:30am.  I was pretty proud of myself since I'm not a morning person.  Went in and was informed that I needed to go to their sister company to choose travertine.  Uhhhh, what?!!  That's where I was sent the last time to no avail.  Now, I'm just running in circles in a city that I don't know a whole lot about.

Dagnabit....I just need a Starbuck's to help me get through this morning.  I decide that I need to call the insurance company and find another vendor to help me.  This one is making me do all the work!!  I called, told them the situation and asked to be provided with another preferred vendor.  I was nice, there wasn't any reason to be ugly to the person on the phone.  He was extremely helpful and called our general contractor right away.

What does all this have to do with finding myself?  A lot...for those of you that know me you may be surprised to discover that I don't always ask for what I want.  I worry about people liking me and whether they will think I'm a bitch.  While not asking for what I want I still am pretty decisive.  And, by being decisive I often rush decisions that I later wish I hadn't made.  This time was different.

I was being pushed fairly hard to make choices on tile quickly before I left town almost 3 weeks ago.  The morning that I was supposed to leave I ran out and picked up 5 more tile samples.  I narrowed it down to two that were the closest.  The one thing that I noticed that wouldn't look right is the step into our shower.  If that didn't get replaced too then it would never look quite right.  I sent an email saying just that.  I got push back.

Back and forth we went until I said vey firmly to stop all work.  I sent a new timeline that had me back int town before anything moved forward.  That meant canceling numerous contractors, rescheduling all of the work and moving into an entirely new month (that's important for invoicing).  I was so proud of myself for saying what I wanted and sticking to my guns.

The work was supposed to commence this morning but I still don't have a tile that matches.  When I called the insurance company to let them know I wasn't happy with their premier service partner they said this could extend the length of time that the work took.  I would usually give in at this point.  I wouldn't want so many people inconvenienced and us displaced for that long.  But, I stuck to my guns and said that was okay.  I want this done right.

I haven't figured out what the catalyst was to make me feel stronger about asking for what I want.  I still am a little uncomfortable that people will think I'm a bitch.  But, I feel good about taking a step back and thinking more before making a decision and then sticking with it.  That is definitely a step toward finding myself.