Oops...I got lost

It's been two months since the last time I posted.  Finding myself before dinner went by the wayside when life got insane.  About the time that I was headed out of town for an extended period, we had water damage in our house.  We had to move into a hotel with two dogs and two teenage boys.  For a month we were in flux.  We finally got back into our house, got most everything unpacked and we got robbed.  Just on the heels of dealing with that we had a barrage of company (that part I enjoyed).  But, it made me take note of something.

Women have put themselves on the back burner forever.  We take care of everything and everyone else before we look at ourselves and say, "what do you need today?"  Is that just how we are programmed?  Is it necessary for us to take that role so that life continues as we know it?  What is wrong with taking an hour or two a day just for ourselves?

Well, in my house that would mean that dinner was eaten out (not good on the waistline), clothes would be dirty, contractors would be unattended, the dogs would never be walked....the list goes on and on.  Some of these things could probably wait until the next day, but then wouldn't everything start to compound and pile up to become unmanageable?  I mean, if you go to an office and choose not to do the work necessary to meet deadlines, wouldn't you eventually be fired?

The thing about being a woman, a caretaker, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend is that there are no set hours.  Our jobs begin the moment our feet hit the floor and don't end until we crawl under the covers.  I would love to say to my family and friends that my hours are 9am-8pm.  I will get as much done during those hours as possible.  If I cannot consistently get these things done, then maybe we need to look at adding staff.

Hmmm....that might not be a reasonable expectation.  I mean, we aren't the Rockefellers.  But, maybe our lives are too full.  Maybe we have to simplify and trim the fat.  I think that is what I will explore over the next few weeks.

Household CEO...What's its worth?

I've been talking about this concept of Household CEO for a couple of days now.  I believe that what a person does to keep a house and family running smoothly is important.  I believe that when you have one person who works in the home and one who works outside the home things will probably be more balanced.  I wrote a job description that touches on the duties of the Household CEO.  But, this job really entails more than you could ever put down on paper.

Clearly, this job is one of the most important jobs available.  If you have been reading along you know that I value success.  The quantitative measure of success has always been money for me.  The more demanding my job, the more money I made.  That is where the Household CEO starts to fall apart for me.  I am doing this job, it is the most demanding job I have ever had and my reviews (appreciation and comments from family) are great.  But, my salary is zip.

So, Mark has asked the question...what do I need each month.  He puts that much in my account and if I run out I can transfer more from savings.  But, that extra transfer makes me feel guilty.  Because I'm not bringing in an income I don't feel like I have as much freedom to spend for non-essentials anymore.  This creates job dissatisfaction.

I really started analyzing the role of Household CEO and looking at the skills/talents that it takes to be successful in this role.  Here are the things that really stand out for me:

• Make important decisions quickly without input from other household members.
• Manage a budget.
• Communicate effectively with various household members.
• Manage family schedule.
• Build and nurture outside relationships that sustain family.
• Manage and interact with outside contractors. 
• Take on additional full time roles of the following:
• Chef
• Housekeeper
• Chauffer
• Personal Shopper
• Nanny

If you were to put a monetary value on this position it would have to take into account the level of skill required.  People who have to make important decisions on a regular basis with no one else's input are generally high salaried employees.  People who manage others and budgets are usually well paid employees.  People who review and sign contracts with outside vendors are usually management with good incomes.  We probably don't even need to throw in the additional, full-time roles the Household CEO takes on.  You can see where I am going here.

The actual monetary value of this position in our workforce would be somewhere between $45k and $250K depending on the size of your family, house and outside help.  The more work...the more payment.  I'm not suggesting that you go and tell your spouse that they need to pay you a huge salary.  Most of us are Household CEOs because we love our families.  However, I am suggesting that there is tangible value to this role.  

Transitioning from working outside of the house to Household CEO is difficult.  For me the most difficult piece has been that I felt I had the right to have a little slush money when I worked and got a pay check.  Even though I work just as hard today as I did in outside the home, I feel guilty when I spend money on things unrelated to the family.  This exercise has really been about increasing the sense of pride and accomplishment I feel for taking on this role.  In our budge I am going to find a way to put back in a little slush money.  I would like to be able to buy my husband a present without having to tell him I am over budget.

Finally, I would like to give a little shout out to all the single moms that I know.  It is difficult to manage everything with two people.  I don't know how you do it all.  You are definitely superwomen!!

Does it matter what color my parachute is if it doesn't open?

There are shelves and shelves of books in the bookstores relating to following your passion.  They tell you to do what you love and the money will follow.  They say that it shouldn't feel like a job if you are following your dreams.  They want to help you find the color of your parachute.

Okay, passion...check.  Do what I love...check.  Somehow though it still feels like a job.  I'm sure that my parachute is at least in the right color family.  Maybe it is even the right color.  I mean, I've done all the tests, I've listed all my skills and talents, I've chosen passion over money and yet here I am having mini-meltdowns in the middle of my office.  My parachute doesn't seem to be opening!!

The one thing that all of these career books don't tell you is that there are others on-board.  Yep, your parachute is full of clingers and if you all aren't in sync they can keep your parachute from opening.  Discontent employees, snarky bosses, limited tools...these are just some examples of the things weighing down my dream job.  And, that matters!

Yesterday, as I had my one hour session with my Coach (which she generally stretches to two hours....should I be worried) we were discussing this quest for self-discovery.  Clearly, working with a coach I have managed to discover the color of my parachute.  And when my husband and I made the move to the Carolinas I took a job that utilized my particular talents.  I have owned my own business for years but this seemed like a chance to do what I love without all of the headaches of being in charge.  Wrong!  So, now what?

It isn't easy to walk away from a job in this employment market.  We are all trying to make ends meet.  So, quitting a paying job that has the kind of flexibility that this one has seems downright irresponsible.  But, if I am slowly plummeting with a defective parachute...shouldn't I do something about it?

That's why I love having a Coach.  She pushes me and makes me answer the tough questions.  She makes me say out-loud what is stopping me from making a change right now.  She asks me how I am ever going to find myself if I am busy having mini-meltdowns.  She gives me homework.

1.  Identify what fear is keeping me from quitting this job.  And, yes, fear is what generally keeps us from doing what we want to do.

2.  Visualize what I want my day to day life to look like.  I'm good at the grandiose end-result, glorious fame type of visualization, but I have a tendency to overlook the meat of the journey.

3.  Get more clear about what this journey/quest really means.  How do I plan to make this part of my identity (important for me but not necessary for everyone)?  What is it that I intend to gain from this exercise?

Good questions and even though it is just three, they are heavy.  And, she expects answers!

Note:  Find more information about my Coach on my Links page.