Household CEO...What's its worth?

I've been talking about this concept of Household CEO for a couple of days now.  I believe that what a person does to keep a house and family running smoothly is important.  I believe that when you have one person who works in the home and one who works outside the home things will probably be more balanced.  I wrote a job description that touches on the duties of the Household CEO.  But, this job really entails more than you could ever put down on paper.

Clearly, this job is one of the most important jobs available.  If you have been reading along you know that I value success.  The quantitative measure of success has always been money for me.  The more demanding my job, the more money I made.  That is where the Household CEO starts to fall apart for me.  I am doing this job, it is the most demanding job I have ever had and my reviews (appreciation and comments from family) are great.  But, my salary is zip.

So, Mark has asked the question...what do I need each month.  He puts that much in my account and if I run out I can transfer more from savings.  But, that extra transfer makes me feel guilty.  Because I'm not bringing in an income I don't feel like I have as much freedom to spend for non-essentials anymore.  This creates job dissatisfaction.

I really started analyzing the role of Household CEO and looking at the skills/talents that it takes to be successful in this role.  Here are the things that really stand out for me:

• Make important decisions quickly without input from other household members.
• Manage a budget.
• Communicate effectively with various household members.
• Manage family schedule.
• Build and nurture outside relationships that sustain family.
• Manage and interact with outside contractors. 
• Take on additional full time roles of the following:
• Chef
• Housekeeper
• Chauffer
• Personal Shopper
• Nanny

If you were to put a monetary value on this position it would have to take into account the level of skill required.  People who have to make important decisions on a regular basis with no one else's input are generally high salaried employees.  People who manage others and budgets are usually well paid employees.  People who review and sign contracts with outside vendors are usually management with good incomes.  We probably don't even need to throw in the additional, full-time roles the Household CEO takes on.  You can see where I am going here.

The actual monetary value of this position in our workforce would be somewhere between $45k and $250K depending on the size of your family, house and outside help.  The more work...the more payment.  I'm not suggesting that you go and tell your spouse that they need to pay you a huge salary.  Most of us are Household CEOs because we love our families.  However, I am suggesting that there is tangible value to this role.  

Transitioning from working outside of the house to Household CEO is difficult.  For me the most difficult piece has been that I felt I had the right to have a little slush money when I worked and got a pay check.  Even though I work just as hard today as I did in outside the home, I feel guilty when I spend money on things unrelated to the family.  This exercise has really been about increasing the sense of pride and accomplishment I feel for taking on this role.  In our budge I am going to find a way to put back in a little slush money.  I would like to be able to buy my husband a present without having to tell him I am over budget.

Finally, I would like to give a little shout out to all the single moms that I know.  It is difficult to manage everything with two people.  I don't know how you do it all.  You are definitely superwomen!!

Finding Myself in My Home

Yesterday I talked about my time and how much of it is eaten up by running our house.  Every single minute of every day is scheduled to the point of overlapping!  But, there is something here that I am starting to really appreciate and value.  Maybe this is coming as a shock to me because our lives changed so much when we moved back to Charlotte.

For the first time in a very long time it isn't just Mark and I.  Even though the boys don't live here full time, they are here a lot.  And even when they aren't here we do stuff with them and for them.  We are a family.

A family is a group of people united, usually with one head.  Okay, in today's world that doesn't necessarily fly.  So may families have multiple abodes and a couple of heads.  But, if you start to look at this as a business.  Take our house and it is one of the franchises in the Swancy business.  The boy's mother's house is also a franchise in this business.  We each have things that we do to make this business run.  My role is operations, maintenance and creative of this location.

Anyone who has ever worked as the CEO of their own home understands this concept.  It does take two people with very different roles to make this family "business" operate at full capacity.  I will probably get shot for saying this, but I think that one person staying at home and managing that part of the business is the ideal situation.

I don't know when we began to devalue what the person who stayed home did.  I understand that it feels like the person at home should have all the time in the world to sit around and watch daytime tv and eat bon bons.  But, that isn't the case at all.  There is a full day and more in managing a home.  There is tremendous value in the operation of a well run home.

Somewhere along the way someone decided that the stay-at-home parent wasn't as valuable as the person bringing home the bacon.  So those who were at home wanted to go out and get themselves the respect they saw the breadwinner getting.  Gradually most homes became two income families.  Divorces rose...of course they did, who was taking care of the family?  And now two incomes are necessary to support multiple family franchises.

It took decades to get to this point.  It will take a societal uproar and movement to change the way we think about how homes operate.  I wonder if the first step is to have a job description, skills programs and compensation packages for the person at home.  Something to think about!

Getting in the way of myself

Yesterday afternoon my husband took the time to have lunch with me before he left for Dallas.  It was nice to spend time in the middle of an afternoon.  That rarely happens.  We were discussing some of the things that need to be done around the house and when we would get those scheduled.

I said that I would try and look up a couple of plumbers on Angie's List and call to see what I thought of them.  I would try and get that done by the end of the week.  My husband then looked at me and said, "What do you have going on this week?"

I shot daggers out of my eyes.  I said, "I have a busy week with some client appointments and other appointments I need to keep."  My tone wasn't any better than the "death eyes" I was giving him.  He got upset and said he was just trying to understand what my week looked like.

I took it as a condemnation right out of the gate.  I felt like he was questioning whether I was busy enough or not.  I thought he was implying that I led this life of leisure.  I was getting in the way of myself.

It wasn't him condemning me....it was me.  During this process I have felt like what I'm doing isn't real.  If I'm not making money then there isn't any value in what I am doing.  I wonder if I am doing the right thing by spending all this time reflecting and growing.

Intellectually, I'm sure that I am doing what is best for myself and my family...in the long run.  But, emotionally I feel a little lost.  I am committed to doing something that helps me expand and grow daily.  I am taking care of myself.  I am learning what is most important to me.  I do think these things all make me a better person.  One who is able to be present in my life and the lives of my husband and boys.

But...and there seems to always be a "but"...I am not used to not making money.  I feel like I should have tangible accomplishments to show at the end of each day.  My mind keeps flying back to, "how can this be a career and make me money?"  I think there is really a lesson here.  I did not put anything about identity or income on my list of values.

I value accomplishment.  That is true and I should have been more aware of that.  For some reason it didn't feel altruistic enough.  But, if it looks pretty on the list or not...it is true.  I also value money that I have earned on my own.  This represents freedom for me and it also is a tangible measure of accomplishment (professional).  There is a sense of relief that I finally recognized the value of these things.

So to summarize, if something keeps coming up, there is probably value in whatever it is.  If something keeps bothering you, step back from what it is, articulate the feelings, break it apart and see if there is something else going on and act on the newly found information.

Jump Start the Process

As we help to prepare Murphy, my 17 year old stepson, for college I am in awe of the tools that are available to him.  On the site where we signed him up for the SAT there were all of these wonderful tests for personality, career path and majors.  I wondered if so many people my age would be trying to discover themselves now if these tools had been available when we went to school.

But, is it really ever too late?  Only when we are dead!!  As I have been working on my values, skills and talents outline I've wondered if it would be helpful to take the same tests that Murphy took.  Unfortunately, they wanted me to sign up for the SAT before they would provide the tools.  And, that ship has sailed!!  But there is always another way.

The DISC profile analyzes your personality and values!  It will also tell you what career is most likely to fit your particular personality.  The good news is that my values are in line with what I have been finding on my own.  Where I found real help was in getting more clear on my desires and skills.

I find that clarity is often hard to get my arms around when the task seems daunting.  Writing down my skills/talents and values felt important when I decided on these steps.  But, putting pen to paper and making something out of it has been difficult.  Stepping stones like the DISC profile or one of the many other tests available help to jump start the process.

What type of personality are you?

What do you value?

When I started Step 3, writing down what my values are, I got overwhelmed.  I value so much in life that the list is truly exhausting.  So, I put down my pencil and thought of this a different way.  I mean, if you really think about it, there is value in almost everything.  What I was trying to get at was what are my non-negotiable values.

To make it a little easier I tried to get outside of myself.  Thinking about the values that I admire in the people closest to me.  Thinking about the things that I work hard to maintain and enjoy every day.  What really means the most to me?

If I put it in those terms I come up with a quick list of values:

relationships
family
aesthetics
knowledge
faith
acknowledgment
freedom
growth

I know you may look at this list and say, well duh, who doesn't value those things.  But really think about it.  Is it important to you that things look pretty?  That might not be high on everyone's list, but it is important to me.  I value pretty.  I work really hard to make our home, our yard and our stuff beautiful.  I like to present dinner on pretty plates.  I like my work space to be pretty.  It is important to me.  That might not be high on everyone's list.  But, knowing myself, I'm not happy if it isn't pretty.

So you can see how starting to put down values and really thinking about where they fall in importance can help you to see how your talents/skills will match up.  Speaking of talents/skills, I think that is a much harder task to identify those.  I'm working on it.  But, I kept coming back to...how does that fit in my value list?  So, I decided to focus on this one first.

What is your most important value?

Step 3

I'm posting Step 3 because I believe it should be done in conjunction with Step 2.  So, while you are thinking about your skills and talents and really blowing them out for Step 2, you should be thinking about your values.  That is Step 3.  What do you really value in life?

These are exercises that take time.  You can make lists quickly and get the exercise finished but, take the time to think about what your skills/talents are and what makes you put them on the list.  Why do you think that this is an area of expertise or deep knowledge?  What is your experience in this area?  What do you know about this particular thing?  I have skills/talents that come from doing and reading but that have never been a part of any formal career.  I'm putting them down and explaining why I'm putting them down.

I think that values play such an important role in our lives that it doesn't matter what our skills/talents are unless they fit with our values.  The definition of value includes words like important and desirable.  Given those words think of the things in your life like relationships, giving, faith, etc.  How important are they in your life.  How valuable are they?  Is it possible to practice a skill/talent within the confines of your values.

Have you ever had a job where you were good at it but it sucked the life out of you?  Most likely your skills/talents were being put to good use but your values were being compromised.  That type of situation isn't uncommon.

That's why understanding our values along with our skills/talents is an important step.  I'm really looking forward to this self-reflection.  I hope you will enjoy this as well.