Architect of my life

I'm almost overwhelmed by the possibilities that I face today.  That may seem like a strange problem to have but most of us, when faced with unlimited options, feel almost paralyzed.  When I get like this it is important for me to go back to basics.

At the very core of "me" are my joys, my skills, my talents and my values.  I have spent soooo much time exploring these things this year.  I know with certainty that there are two things that I must have to enjoy what I am doing.  Relationships and beauty are what feed my soul.

I've spent this past week getting to know women that I recently met.  I've had such a good time finding out about them and building a foundation for relationships.  This has been the absolute happiest week of my time in Charlotte.  Well, duh!!  My number one core value was being exercised this week for the first time in a long time.

I've met women in cool little bakeries, bistros and cafes.  We've talked about travel, jewelry, clothes and everything else.  My beauty value was pinging on several different levels.

But, one of the most difficult things to do when you are getting to know someone is to answer the question, "What do you do?", when you currently don't feel like you're doing anything!  I talk about what I have done.  I talk about what I think I might like to do.  I've asked every single person I meet if they know someone at RR Donnelley (there is a job that appears to be perfect for me...on paper).

After a few weeks of reaching out to friends across the country about the RR Donnelley job, I became discouraged.  I spent quite a bit of time the other day googling, researching and trying to find any information that I could about the company (other than what is on their corporate website).  Funny, yesterday I stumbled upon this site that allows current and past employees to rate how it is to work for the company.  They are able to say what is good, what is bad and advice they would give management.  I was absolutely blown away at the very negative comments that I was seeing.  I realize that disgruntled employees are usually the ones that post these things.  But, the comments had a common thread and were from different divisions all over the country.  Hmmm...makes me wonder if I might have not been finding the right person to help me for a reason.

So, if I put that out of my mind, then what?  I've met lovely ladies that have successful multi-level marketing companies.  I've met women who have great ideas for new companies.  And, I've been told over and over that working with women around their appearance, continuing with my green designs and starting my body scrub business again is a great idea.  Oh, and did I mention that I am writing a fashion column for the Examiner?  AHHHHHH!!!  My mind is going a million miles an hour.

Focus, Gini, Focus!!  With too many ideas running around in my head I decided that I had to start from the beginning.  Take my core values and my joy.  Those are really the only things that cannot be ignored when visualizing.  Skills and talents can be acquired, but if you use them against your personal values and they don't bring you joy, then they don't matter.

I sit down to write what my life looks like in my head.  I see myself in a lovely room that is elegant and comfortable all at the same time.  There would be fresh peonies on my white, distressed writing desk.  My dogs would be curled up on pretty, furniture like beds.  Guests never sit across the desk from me.  I have a seating area with a velvet couch and several comfy side chairs.  The art on the wall is plentiful, in ornate (antique maybe) frames that are painted in metallic or distressed cream color.  The walls are a lovely charcoal grey.  I say a room, not necessarily an office because this is a place where women gather.  They come here to congregate, learn from each other and find out what is new in the world of beauty, health, fashion and travel.  There is a time that is set and everyone comes together at once.  I am a hostess of sorts.  But, there are times when women just wander in and find themselves visiting with other women who are there.  The air is filled with the scent of flowers and baking.  This place is for women only.  It is a comfortable, non-pretentious, soul-filling kind of place.  It doesn't matter whether these women own their own business, have a job at all or work in the corporate world.  You can come in yoga pants or a ball gown.  This place is where everyone is equal.  Behavior is inclusive and the people are courteous and welcoming or they can't come back.

From an environment perspective this is completely what I want to see in my life.  I also need to have something that allows me to create.  I love the feeling of seeing something that I completely created come to life.  The finished product gives me such a sense of satisfaction.  Probably my favorite thing that I have created to date are my body scrubs.  I had men and women come in to my store over and over to get their favorite scrubs.  I love the scents, finding just the right combination of oils, exfoliants and butters to make the perfect scrub.  I loved hearing someone say that they were addicted to the way my scrubs made their skin feel.


So, how do I take all of this and put it together in an actual plan?  That is my next step!!

Household CEO Job Description

This description is for Household CEO.  This person is responsible for household maintenance, operations, decor, health and safety.  This person takes responsibility for the well-being of all household members including, but not limited to, children, spouses and pets.  The Household CEO is also responsible for the care and feeding of all guests.

Daily responsibilities are varied and directly dependent upon the tasks of the other Household members.  The CEO must be flexible and embrace change at every step.  The CEO will not be limited to a regular schedule but must be available at all times.  It is not required but desired that all CEO candidates have 8 arms.

Maintenance my include but is not limited to the following:

• Cleaning of all rooms including the garage or any other outer buildings.  Cleaning will include dusting, vacuuming, mopping of floors, scrubbing all bathroom fixtures (toilet, tubs, sinks and mirrors), cleaning windows, sweeping walkways and driveways.  Cleaning will also include extra duties that are not consistent, such as, oiling wood surfaces, cleaning carpets and polishing silver.
• Fixing broken things.  The CEO may or may not possess the skill/talent to fix items or structural issues within the house.  If the CEO is capable they may choose to fix something themselves.  If it requires more knowledge than that of the CEO then they will be responsible for hiring the contractor who will perform the work.  The CEO is also responsible for inspecting the work of the contractor and making sure that all work is done properly before payment is issued.
• Yardwork also falls under the auspice of Maintenance.  The CEO may choose to perform yardwork themselves or hire a contractor.  Ultimately the CEO is responsible for making sure that all yardwork is done in a timely manner.  The CEO is responsible for daily, monthly and yearly cleaning of yard debris.

Operations of the household is primarily the responsibility of the CEO and include:

• Financial management is the primary responsibility under the operations heading.  The CEO must maintain a budget that allows for all maintenance, care and upgrades to the family home.  This includes items necessary for the feeding, care and grooming of family members.
• Recognition of family and friends is the responsibility of the CEO.  When a gift, for any occasion, is necessary the CEO will choose, wrap and ship the gift.  The CEO will be responsible for notifying other family members of recognition opportunities of others.
• Research of potential household requirements.  The CEO will take the time to learn everything necessary to make an educated decision when purchasing anything for the home.  They will utilize consumer opinions from the internet as well as visit stores that carry the item for comparison.
• Daily activities that keep the household organized and running smoothly such as making beds, laundry, sorting mail, dishes and taking care of pets.

Decor for the home is the responsibility of the CEO and may include but is not limited to the following:

• The look of the family home is the responsibility of the CEO.  After the initial decoration period the CEO may choose to update some items to keep the home fresh and current.  
• The budget for the household decor will be kept by the CEO.  Within that budget the CEO will not only have to make decisions about upgrades but also about replacements for worn items and the purchase of additions to the decor.
• Seasonal decorations will be the primary responsibility of the CEO.  However, other family members may be engaged in some seasonal preparations as determined by the CEO.

The Health and Safety of the family members is primarily the responsibility of the CEO with support and occasional help from other family members:

• The majority of meals will be the responsibility of the CEO.  The CEO will analyze the nutritional content, calories and fat of all meals.  The CEO will balance meals to provide the healthiest, overall benefits to family members.  
• Packaging of meals for other family members to carry with them to school or work.  The CEO will not only pack the meals for other family members but will also make sure that the nutritional benefits are present to make the meal optimal for the family member.  When said family member forgets their packed lunch, the CEO will make other arrangements with them or deliver the meal.
• CEO is responsible for maintaining the safety of the home.  Analyzing cleaning product content, changing air filters, clearing of items in walkways and anything else that could be hazardous to family members.
• CEO is responsible for insuring that all family members have coverage in the event of an emergency.  Working with an insurance company to make sure that all members are covered.  In the event of said emergency, working with the insurance company to handle any claims.

The CEO must be flexible and change oriented.  Most days will bring surprises and the CEO must be willing and able to manage these surprises.  When change occurs the CEO will need to be able to make judgement calls as to whether the change is part of a growing process or needs the attention of the family members.  The CEO must be able to be persuasive and share information with other family members effectively.  Good communication is a must for the Household CEO.  

The CEO must also be able to multi-task.  Many of the regular household duties will be done consecutively and the CEO must be able to move between tasks smoothly and effectively.  In addition to juggling the routine tasks the CEO must be a magician who can squeeze in the unexpected and still get everything done.

The CEO must be able to maintain a great attitude at all times.  Due to the demanding nature of this position it is important that CEO candidates have an unusual aptitude for letting the small stuff just roll off of them.  This person will need a "just go with it" type personality.

Additionally the CEO will need to be loving and nurturing of all family members, friends, pets and other small animals.  The love and grace of the CEO is necessary for the growing of a family.  The CEO must be able to maintain this lovin' feeling even in the worst of circumstances.

You must have most of the described skills and talents to become the Household CEO.  If you are qualified and interested in the position, then get ready for a well-functioning family!!

Making a Living vs. Making a Life

As many of you know I have been struggling with my identity during this journey.  Since I don't make money at the moment I wonder what my personal value is.  I posted the other day that accomplishment is of great value to me.  I measure accomplishment by the amount of money that I get paid.

Right or wrong, I have been in the workforce for a long time and as my salary increased I felt more accomplished.  So, I am programmed that way.  A girlfriend, who is reading along, suggested the book Becoming a Chief Home Officer.  That made me take a deep breath because the anxiety of being "at home" is overwhelming.

Luckily, today my coach agreed to meet with me even though it wasn't our scheduled time.  I expressed this feeling of chaos and anxiety over not having accomplishments.  She listened and kept asking me what I wanted out of this journey.  She keeps asking that question!!

She specifically asked me whether I was wanting to find the thing that would turn into my career or was I trying to figure out something else?  I said I thought it was something else.  So she asked me if I wanted to figure out what I lost when making all of these compromises in my life or did I want to have new experiences?  At first I said I thought I wanted to figure out what I lost.  The next question was when I found the pieces that were lost along the way, would I feel satisfied and would it lead me to the "accomplishment" that I keep looking for?  Ugh!!

The questions go on and on.  That is her job :)  We finally got down to this:

• I am interested in a lot of different things.  
• It doesn't matter if I try something new and it doesn't end up being a life-long career.
• I will take something away from any new experience. 
• I may find a passion that I was not aware of.
• I might find the pieces I think I'm missing while having new experiences.
• My skills and talents may expand.
• I will be able to satisfy my need for connecting with people by having new experiences.
• Accomplishment is not about money (BIG, HUGE...almost buying it revelation).

The point of this is that I have been making a living for a long time.  I have shifted into making a life instead.  

Jump Start the Process

As we help to prepare Murphy, my 17 year old stepson, for college I am in awe of the tools that are available to him.  On the site where we signed him up for the SAT there were all of these wonderful tests for personality, career path and majors.  I wondered if so many people my age would be trying to discover themselves now if these tools had been available when we went to school.

But, is it really ever too late?  Only when we are dead!!  As I have been working on my values, skills and talents outline I've wondered if it would be helpful to take the same tests that Murphy took.  Unfortunately, they wanted me to sign up for the SAT before they would provide the tools.  And, that ship has sailed!!  But there is always another way.

The DISC profile analyzes your personality and values!  It will also tell you what career is most likely to fit your particular personality.  The good news is that my values are in line with what I have been finding on my own.  Where I found real help was in getting more clear on my desires and skills.

I find that clarity is often hard to get my arms around when the task seems daunting.  Writing down my skills/talents and values felt important when I decided on these steps.  But, putting pen to paper and making something out of it has been difficult.  Stepping stones like the DISC profile or one of the many other tests available help to jump start the process.

What type of personality are you?

Gratitude

My last two posts have been practical steps about reaching inside and discovering talents and defining values.  Difficult things to do for most people.  When it is time to share or verbalize these things, it can be a little uncomfortable.  Any time that we are exposed and vulnerable is uncomfortable.  Which brings me to the point of this post.  To feel gratitude for all of our gifts, talents, skills and values is an essential part of self-acceptance and growth.

I am addicted to The Biggest Loser.  I wouldn't watch it for the first four seasons because I hated the name.  I hated that they called people who needed love and support big losers.  Clearly I didn't understand the premise of the show.  So, when I watched the show for the first time I was completely hooked.  I love the moments that people make discoveries about themselves that turn their lives around.  But, tonight was the first time that I felt gratitude.


Tears rolled down my face as Rulon Gardner, a gold medal Olympian, stood on the scale with his jaw quivering.  He was overwhelmed by emotion because he would achieve a 100 lb. weight loss tonight.  When asked why it made him so emotional he said that it was because he was getting his life back.  I was so moved that this tough Olympian felt so deeply this new accomplishment.  And it made me feel grateful.

I am grateful that we, as humans, can feel so deeply for others.  My friend, Emily, wrote about love and how it isn't a one day thing but an every day thing.  If we didn't have the ability to feel deeply then we wouldn't have the ability to love.

I'm also grateful that we were give the free will to make choices.  When our life doesn't feel like it is on the right path we can choose to make it different.  Regardless of circumstances, we have what it takes within us (every one of us) to decide to change.  How amazing is that!!

I don't want to make this an official step of the journey.  I think that gratitude should be eternal not part of a limited process.  I am grateful that I was reminded today to be grateful!!

Step 3

I'm posting Step 3 because I believe it should be done in conjunction with Step 2.  So, while you are thinking about your skills and talents and really blowing them out for Step 2, you should be thinking about your values.  That is Step 3.  What do you really value in life?

These are exercises that take time.  You can make lists quickly and get the exercise finished but, take the time to think about what your skills/talents are and what makes you put them on the list.  Why do you think that this is an area of expertise or deep knowledge?  What is your experience in this area?  What do you know about this particular thing?  I have skills/talents that come from doing and reading but that have never been a part of any formal career.  I'm putting them down and explaining why I'm putting them down.

I think that values play such an important role in our lives that it doesn't matter what our skills/talents are unless they fit with our values.  The definition of value includes words like important and desirable.  Given those words think of the things in your life like relationships, giving, faith, etc.  How important are they in your life.  How valuable are they?  Is it possible to practice a skill/talent within the confines of your values.

Have you ever had a job where you were good at it but it sucked the life out of you?  Most likely your skills/talents were being put to good use but your values were being compromised.  That type of situation isn't uncommon.

That's why understanding our values along with our skills/talents is an important step.  I'm really looking forward to this self-reflection.  I hope you will enjoy this as well.

Step 2

I would love to say that this step is about visualizing what I want in my life.  The problem with that is that I don't know what I want.  I can come closer to saying what I don't want than what I want.  That's the problem.

I believe in manifestation of our dreams.  I don't buy into the whole theory of "The Secret" where you open a catalogue of the universe and order up what you want.  I think it is more complex than that.  In addition to knowing what you want and being able to "order" it, I think you must act "as if".  For example, if you say, "I'm an actress", but you never audition for parts...it probably isn't true.  Sophia Coppola isn't going to ring your doorbell and tell you that you are the best person for a part in her next movie.  No, if you say you are an actress then you go to auditions, acting classes, read the rags, get an agent, etc.  You do the things that actresses do.  Then you are on your way.

But, in addition to "acting as if", I think there are other factors.  You always hear the term, "Karma is a bitch."  Well, if you lie, cheat and steal to manifest your dream, it probably won't turn out like you hoped.  Don't you think we were put here to be the best person we can be?  To serve a purpose?

Purpose...yea, that would be the core of "who I am."  So visualization will have to wait for another step while I figure out purpose.  My coach and I touched on this not too long ago.  But, in usual fashion I was impatient to get to the "doing" stage.  I've always been so driven to "be" somebody that I haven't given myself the chance to really explore what my skills and talents are.

So, Step 2, is to make a comprehensive list of skills and talents.  Blow them out with lots of detail.  Give them qualitative and quantitative measures.  Do you love to do something?  Are you an expert at something?  Do you have extreme depth of knowledge about something?  And, don't forget to add those less tangible talents.  I believe that listening, loving and nurturing are critical to society.  If you are really good at that...put it down.

I hope you will join me in this step.  I think it will be fun and eye opening.  If you have trouble, ask someone close to you to help you identify your strengths.  Sometimes it is easier for them to see you than it is for you to see you.