How to spend money...let me count the ways!

My nephew was visiting last week and we had a great time.  The first day he was here I needed to run to the mall to get my niece a birthday present.  I'm not much of a mall shopper (I know there are those of you that are shocked by this).  I park close to where I need to go which is usually Teavana, Origins, Apple or Nordstrom's.  I do my best not to have to walk around the mall.  But, I just wasn't sure what I wanted to get so we wandered a little bit.

My nephew was a trooper.  We started at Burberry and I ended up in a 15 minute conversation about personal style with one of the sales people.  We went to Louis Vuitton and he got a little in the spirit of the outing.  He saw a tie that he really liked and learned a huge lesson.  Louis Vuitton is not where 16 year olds buy ties!

The longer we were in the mall the more he saw things he wanted.  It occurred to me that everything was so sparkly and beautiful to him because he wasn't used to being in a place like this.  They live in a small town without a mall.  Every store we went into he said, "I would wear that...or I could buy that."  If he had unlimited funds he would have spent thousands in just a few hours.  But, it was an opportunity to teach him how to think about spending money.

First of all, you have to know what really matters to you.  I know that I love my Louis Vuitton.  I also know that I am not going to have an unlimited collection of LV bags.  I buy one (or more appropriately, Mark gifts one to me) every 6-7 years.  I carry it pretty much every day.  So, in reality I probably spend far less on handbags than the average woman.

If you are an average person with an average income, you don't buy endless amounts of luxury items.  You must shop with a plan.  I think that is the most important thing after knowing what is most important to you.  Luxury items need to make you feel fantastic.  If you buy something that is terribly expensive and it sits in your closet for the next year without being worn, it is just a waste of money.  But, if you buy an expensive shirt and you wear it every chance you get, then it isn't that expensive in the end.

I found a beautiful, well cut Valentino shirt early this year.  I bought it for my nephew to wear to my brother's wedding.  He has worn it every time he has needed to dress up.  He loves the feel and the way it looks.  When we were shopping and he saw other beautiful shirts we talked about not needing more than one since he didn't dress up all that much.

I think a lot of people get dissatisfied because they can't have all the beautiful things in all the beautiful stores.  So, a lot of people tend to buy more at discount stores than to make a plan and buy what they really want less often.  The next time that you find yourself needing to buy something, think about two things.  Is it really important to you that you this thing is a luxury item...do you want this particular thing to last for years?  And, do you have a plan?  I promise that you will be happier in the end to be able to occasionally buy what you want in a luxury item and know when it doesn't matter!

Who are you to everyone else?

A girlfriend of mine is launching a new part of her business.  So, I have been on her website a lot in the past few days.  Today when I visited her site something really struck me.  This isn't new information.  This is the business I have been in for nearly the last decade.  But, there was an ah ha moment this morning.

The homepage of Harris-Barnes Consulting (my girlfriends business) talks about personal branding.  Now, that may sound all corporatey but, is it really?  Think about this....when you see a billboard with this logo, you don't even have to think.  Coca Cola has spent decades building their brand.  They have consistently used the same color red and the same font for their letters.  Even if someone uses the color and font as a spoof, you get that it is a take-off from Coke.

Well, people are the same way.  We do things over and over and become known for them.  I used to go into Starbuck's every single morning and order the same thing.  As soon as Brad (favorite barista) saw me enter the drive-through he started my coffee.  I never changed my order and if I drove a different car, it through him off.  Every morning he would comment on what I was wearing or my hair-do (which was often different).  Not very often, but, once in awhile I would show up in sweats with no make-up.  Almost every time Brad would ask me if I was okay.  I had built a brand without even knowing it.

That's where the ah ha comes in.  We all have a brand.  Whether we consciously built it or not we communicate a message every single day about who we are.  We also create a persona for people in our heads all day, every day based on how they present themselves. 

This is something that Mark and I are working hard to teach the boys.  As Murphy is going to football camps this summer, working to impress coaches with his skills; we are teaching him that other judgements will be made as well.  He appearance, his bag (not letting crap fall out every time he opens it) and his skills will all play a part in what they think of him.  

You may not like that these things make a difference.  You may choose to buck the system and not care about things like appearance.  I've gone through some changes in how I present myself over the past year.  All of the changes in my lifestyle have made me a lot more casual and less thoughtful about how I look.  I am grateful for the reminder today.  

 Sonya Barnes, CEO of Harris & Barnes, Inc, is a  member of the Association of Image Consultants International. She has received industry training by the world’s leading Image Masters in style development and image branding. With strong leadership skills she is known as the “go-to” consultant for many of her peers, and often sought out to speak to many private and public organizations providing world class workshops and seminars on visual appearance, verbal and non-verbal communications worldwide.

Her client list includes Fortune 100 Companies such as General Electric, Bank of America, Hyatt Hotels, and Wells Fargo and expanded globally extending her client base to Asia, to Singapore, Vietnam and Hong Kong teaching the business of image and brand strategy. 

She is a founding member of the Atlanta Chapter of AICI (Association of Image Consultants International) where she held executive board positions including President of Atlanta Chapter. 

In 2008 she was appointed to the AICI International Board as VP of Education, overseeing the education aspects of her trade association. In addition, she received her CIP, Certified Image Professional for which less than 200 consultants are designated worldwide.

She presides as Master Trainer at the world-renowned London Image Institute based in Atlanta, GA and has partnered with the Academy of Image Mastery, Singapore, Singapore teaching advanced communications in image and brand strategy.

Sonya is a recent member of Women Executives, Charlotte and the Greater Charlotte Chamber of Commerce where she was awarded one of Six Generations of Innovators in 2008. She has served as a board member for the Advisory Council of the Art Institute and is a former member of the National Association of Women Business Owners. Sonya is also an alumna of Leadership Charlotte currently serving on the Executive Board. 

 She is a graduate of University of Colorado and currently resides in Charlotte, NC where she remains active in community leadership roles with American Heart Association, JDRF and the arts community. 

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Oops...I got lost

It's been two months since the last time I posted.  Finding myself before dinner went by the wayside when life got insane.  About the time that I was headed out of town for an extended period, we had water damage in our house.  We had to move into a hotel with two dogs and two teenage boys.  For a month we were in flux.  We finally got back into our house, got most everything unpacked and we got robbed.  Just on the heels of dealing with that we had a barrage of company (that part I enjoyed).  But, it made me take note of something.

Women have put themselves on the back burner forever.  We take care of everything and everyone else before we look at ourselves and say, "what do you need today?"  Is that just how we are programmed?  Is it necessary for us to take that role so that life continues as we know it?  What is wrong with taking an hour or two a day just for ourselves?

Well, in my house that would mean that dinner was eaten out (not good on the waistline), clothes would be dirty, contractors would be unattended, the dogs would never be walked....the list goes on and on.  Some of these things could probably wait until the next day, but then wouldn't everything start to compound and pile up to become unmanageable?  I mean, if you go to an office and choose not to do the work necessary to meet deadlines, wouldn't you eventually be fired?

The thing about being a woman, a caretaker, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend is that there are no set hours.  Our jobs begin the moment our feet hit the floor and don't end until we crawl under the covers.  I would love to say to my family and friends that my hours are 9am-8pm.  I will get as much done during those hours as possible.  If I cannot consistently get these things done, then maybe we need to look at adding staff.

Hmmm....that might not be a reasonable expectation.  I mean, we aren't the Rockefellers.  But, maybe our lives are too full.  Maybe we have to simplify and trim the fat.  I think that is what I will explore over the next few weeks.

Strength of Conviction

I'm just dying to get into a routine again.  I was out of town for 16 days and came back just in time to do a couple of loads of laundry before repacking to move out of our house for the next 2 weeks.  In the middle of everything I got a bit of a cold which has settled into my lungs.

The coughing woke me up around 5am which was fine because I had to be at the tile store by 7:30.  I rushed around making sure that I had all of my toiletries, the dogs dishes, the kitchen things we would need for the next two weeks and my clothes.  Got all of that out to the garage to load up.  Got the dogs together for doggie daycare.  Left the house and remembered I didn't have enough gas to get more than to the corner.  Stepped out of my car to pump the gas and realized I was still wearing house shoes.  That should have been a good indication of how this morning was going to go.

At every stop light I grabbed my iPad, opening the AroundMe app, to find coffee.  There wasn't one place between doggie daycare and the tile place.  But, I pulled into the tile showroom at 7:30am.  I was pretty proud of myself since I'm not a morning person.  Went in and was informed that I needed to go to their sister company to choose travertine.  Uhhhh, what?!!  That's where I was sent the last time to no avail.  Now, I'm just running in circles in a city that I don't know a whole lot about.

Dagnabit....I just need a Starbuck's to help me get through this morning.  I decide that I need to call the insurance company and find another vendor to help me.  This one is making me do all the work!!  I called, told them the situation and asked to be provided with another preferred vendor.  I was nice, there wasn't any reason to be ugly to the person on the phone.  He was extremely helpful and called our general contractor right away.

What does all this have to do with finding myself?  A lot...for those of you that know me you may be surprised to discover that I don't always ask for what I want.  I worry about people liking me and whether they will think I'm a bitch.  While not asking for what I want I still am pretty decisive.  And, by being decisive I often rush decisions that I later wish I hadn't made.  This time was different.

I was being pushed fairly hard to make choices on tile quickly before I left town almost 3 weeks ago.  The morning that I was supposed to leave I ran out and picked up 5 more tile samples.  I narrowed it down to two that were the closest.  The one thing that I noticed that wouldn't look right is the step into our shower.  If that didn't get replaced too then it would never look quite right.  I sent an email saying just that.  I got push back.

Back and forth we went until I said vey firmly to stop all work.  I sent a new timeline that had me back int town before anything moved forward.  That meant canceling numerous contractors, rescheduling all of the work and moving into an entirely new month (that's important for invoicing).  I was so proud of myself for saying what I wanted and sticking to my guns.

The work was supposed to commence this morning but I still don't have a tile that matches.  When I called the insurance company to let them know I wasn't happy with their premier service partner they said this could extend the length of time that the work took.  I would usually give in at this point.  I wouldn't want so many people inconvenienced and us displaced for that long.  But, I stuck to my guns and said that was okay.  I want this done right.

I haven't figured out what the catalyst was to make me feel stronger about asking for what I want.  I still am a little uncomfortable that people will think I'm a bitch.  But, I feel good about taking a step back and thinking more before making a decision and then sticking with it.  That is definitely a step toward finding myself.

On the Road Again...

I am so excited about my impending trip.  And I mean impending by a few hours!!  When I said I needed to "find myself" I wasn't thinking about literally.  But, here is my opportunity.

I have a chance to go back to St. Louis and recapture this feeling I think I'm missing.  When we left there it was so sudden that I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to some of our friends.  We were certain that we would put our house on the market and have 3-4 months after that to say our farewells and get St. Louis somewhat out of our system.  Then our house sold the moment (okay a hour and a half) after we put it on the market.

Suddenly our plans went out the window.  We had to think about what we needed in temporary housing without knowing how long we would be there.  We had to coordinate with packers and movers for two homes, corporate apartment representatives, realtors and auto shippers.  It was all in a flash and we didn't have any time to reflect on our lives in St. Louis.

So, here I am heading out the door in a little while to go back to St. Louis on my way to Texas.  I have the opportunity to see my friends, relax and enjoy their company, visit my old 'hood and see what it is that I think I'm missing.  Then I will have the chance to see if it is something that can be duplicated in Charlotte.  The reality is that it took me close to 8 years to find my place in St. Louis.  But, for the first time in any of our moves I am actively seeking what it is that makes me feel the most like me.

I have to say that it is a real blessing to be able to do this.  I guess that is what getting older and having more choices is all about!!

What is your core story?

I believe that fear is the number one thing that keeps us from doing things we dream about.  I've come to this conclusion for a couple of reasons.  I know that I am smart and capable.  When I decide that I want something I can generally make it happen.  I also know that I am not doing what I was meant to be doing in this life.  Taking these things into consideration made me search for the "why" of the situation.  I discovered that fear is what holds me back from just leaping.

You may recall that I touched on this briefly the other day.  I said that I had bought a book about being fearless.  Then I bought another book about fear.  I really want to understand what makes us afraid and how to overcome the fear to achieve great things.  The Solution by Lucinda Bassett, tells us to start by writing our core story.

Our core story are the events, the feelings, the interpersonal communications that occurred early in our lives.  These are the things that we can look back at and say that they shaped who we are today.  This story is deeply personal.  I will tell you that when I began this exercise I wrote down some things that I haven't thought about in years.  I won't share my whole core story with you.  I'm not even sure that I have written the whole story yet.  But, I will give you an example.

For those of you who knew me in high school, you will get a kick out of this.  Jimmy Lipsey (yes, it was painful enough to remember his name all these years) was in my homeroom class.  He wasn't a friend but we were friendly.  One day I wore a dress to school, which I had never done before, and while in homeroom Jimmy said to anyone who would listen, "look at those legs...they look like fat little sausages."  I didn't wear a dress any more often than I had to for years.  But, that isn't even the point.

I love fashion.  I love the artistic quality of clothing.  I love how clothes enhance and drape bodies.  I love textures, color and fluidity of fabrics.  I can actually sew and I have a great eye for what will flatter most.  Sounds like someone who should be a fashion designer, right?  But, here is where part of my core story comes into play.  You would expect the incident above to ruin my day, but what about my dream? Part of my story has been that someone with sausage legs could never be a designer.  Someone built like me would be laughed out of the fashion designer club.  The story goes on and on.  It may sound silly to you reading this.  So, I challenge you to look at your own story.

Can you pinpoint something that had an impact so great on you that it has caused you to fear someone laughing at you, someone not liking you, looking stupid, etc.?  Can you begin to tell your core story?

NOTE:  Just for the record...Jimmy Lipsey was a stupid, high school boy.  He said a mean thing, but I own the story.  I have the power to rewrite and in no way hold him accountable for my fear!

Household CEO...What's its worth?

I've been talking about this concept of Household CEO for a couple of days now.  I believe that what a person does to keep a house and family running smoothly is important.  I believe that when you have one person who works in the home and one who works outside the home things will probably be more balanced.  I wrote a job description that touches on the duties of the Household CEO.  But, this job really entails more than you could ever put down on paper.

Clearly, this job is one of the most important jobs available.  If you have been reading along you know that I value success.  The quantitative measure of success has always been money for me.  The more demanding my job, the more money I made.  That is where the Household CEO starts to fall apart for me.  I am doing this job, it is the most demanding job I have ever had and my reviews (appreciation and comments from family) are great.  But, my salary is zip.

So, Mark has asked the question...what do I need each month.  He puts that much in my account and if I run out I can transfer more from savings.  But, that extra transfer makes me feel guilty.  Because I'm not bringing in an income I don't feel like I have as much freedom to spend for non-essentials anymore.  This creates job dissatisfaction.

I really started analyzing the role of Household CEO and looking at the skills/talents that it takes to be successful in this role.  Here are the things that really stand out for me:

• Make important decisions quickly without input from other household members.
• Manage a budget.
• Communicate effectively with various household members.
• Manage family schedule.
• Build and nurture outside relationships that sustain family.
• Manage and interact with outside contractors. 
• Take on additional full time roles of the following:
• Chef
• Housekeeper
• Chauffer
• Personal Shopper
• Nanny

If you were to put a monetary value on this position it would have to take into account the level of skill required.  People who have to make important decisions on a regular basis with no one else's input are generally high salaried employees.  People who manage others and budgets are usually well paid employees.  People who review and sign contracts with outside vendors are usually management with good incomes.  We probably don't even need to throw in the additional, full-time roles the Household CEO takes on.  You can see where I am going here.

The actual monetary value of this position in our workforce would be somewhere between $45k and $250K depending on the size of your family, house and outside help.  The more work...the more payment.  I'm not suggesting that you go and tell your spouse that they need to pay you a huge salary.  Most of us are Household CEOs because we love our families.  However, I am suggesting that there is tangible value to this role.  

Transitioning from working outside of the house to Household CEO is difficult.  For me the most difficult piece has been that I felt I had the right to have a little slush money when I worked and got a pay check.  Even though I work just as hard today as I did in outside the home, I feel guilty when I spend money on things unrelated to the family.  This exercise has really been about increasing the sense of pride and accomplishment I feel for taking on this role.  In our budge I am going to find a way to put back in a little slush money.  I would like to be able to buy my husband a present without having to tell him I am over budget.

Finally, I would like to give a little shout out to all the single moms that I know.  It is difficult to manage everything with two people.  I don't know how you do it all.  You are definitely superwomen!!